Wednesday, January 13, 2010

down hill slide

When I was a kid there was this hill right outside the house. It was red because of all the iron content in the clay. Matt and I used to ride the wagon down it. We'd sit at the top and push off with our feet just enough to get it going and then let gravity do the rest. That single moment, when our feet left the ground and the wagon just barely moved tipping slowly over the edge, that moment right before the plunge and wind and rattling noise, was perhaps the best one in the world. A moment of peace right before all the noise and the screamed WHEE! that we let loose as the wagon roared down the hill. I never wanted any thing more complicated than that. Keep the roller coasters and the ski jumps I loved that little hill. I've held things together as best I can but we are in the free fall now.

Clay and I talk a great deal about what we can do to get at least a little money going. He has officially returned to Blue Baker. Once more he will be the pizza guy. I have to say I do kinda miss the look on KK's face when she got to help him at closing time. She would bring in chairs and giggle as she helped push the huge trash barrels into place. She feels the tension as we nervously go about our daily business of trying so hard. It hurts so much to watch everything you ever worked so hard for vanish. We put our heads together all the time trying to figure out what else, what else we can do. She is at an age where her tastes are getting a little pickier and I worry. What if all we have in the fridge one day is things she won't eat?

What if our crops this year come out as very sorry as they did last year? Our one cauliflower was the saddest I've ever seen. But this year we have a better game plan due to the print pages that Clay picked up at Producers. It was one of those Saturday lectures by the gardener guy that broadcasts every Wednesday on NPR, local. Things that grow her and what kind of each seed to buy and even when to plant them. This year we need to till deeper and mix with more compost. This year we actually have compost to mix with it. The clay is so tough and even tilling doesn't really do the trick because then it compacts with the first rain. Hopefully we will get a better yield, please God, in the carrot department especially! Kay Kay has discovered that carrots and corn are like mana from heaven. She still like broccoli and apples, oranges, bananas, and strawberries. I'm hoping that the one strawberry plant we had comes back this year. I need to give it a bigger plot to grow in but that takes money we don't have. Hopefully After Clay begins at Blue baker and if we stick to biking (which I have to get saddle bags for his bike and figure out some way of attaching something behind the baby seat) we can squeak by another month or so.

Figuring things out isn't as easy as it used to be. Maybe it's just my imagination that things seem harder now. Surely they were hard before just different, familiar. Familiar hard is perhaps more comfortable than new hard. I've begun counting any blessing real or imagined. With the new year come prep for a new beginning, the readying for spring. The good thing about having Clay home so much is he and Kay Kay are warming to the disjointed routine and the fighting is slowly decreasing. He goes back to Blue Baker next week. It will be like returning to an old life. I'll be trying to find recipes that are cheap to make and healthy and sustainable. We can get spinach from across the road and the farmers market is every Saturday. I'll have to budget very carefully. We've cut one of the last luxuries we had, air conditioning. We only turned on the heat when the temp dropped like a rock and threatened to freeze the pipes. The only frivolity we can't bare to part with is the Block Buster movie pass. 20 bucks a month for all the movies we can watch. For some reason the thought of having to entertain ourselves solely with either books or work just seems a flat existence. The cell phones will be the next things to go since they are the most expensive means of communication we have. However since we cover mom and matt too we may just ask them to cover it for a month or two. I hate asking them for money though they give us so much already.

yesterday we bagan prep work for the garden which involved moving the compost pile in order to get to the rich dark black eart it created underneath. It looks very fertile. Today we rake the front yard and get the new compost pile started.  Wish us luck!

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